Y (WHY) Matrix as Four Faces in Ezekiel

Four Faces

In the Book of Ezekiel, there are four faces forming God’s Mystical Chariot or LIVE CREATURE. They are: the face of a Man, the face of an Ox on left, the face of a Lion on right, and the face of an Eagle.

This is how I can see. If the Bible is the Word of God, biblical words are those four Faces as a whole. If Word of God is the Truth Sound from gut, heart, mind and mouth are the Four Faces delivering the Truth. If Word of God is alive through Fire, compassionate heart is the Four Faces of vowels, and each diamond-shaped Four Consonants are the Four Wings.

In detail, the face of a Man represents the frontal human body, and vowels speaking out. The frontal side of the body has 9 holes to be taken care of; such as for the light and sound in, voice and expression out, air and food in, elimination out.  All those activities are the live face of a Man speaking through any given Vowel Letter that is supported and surrounded by its assigned or aligned consonants. This alive vowel letter in turn speaks for the frontal or lower letter in the diamond-shape, opposite to the face of an eagle which stands for the back or upper letter.

Thus, the Face of a Man is the face of front body and vowels speaking on behalf of organs and glands, emotions and feelings, thoughts and thankfulness, deeds and virtue. The five and half vowel letters that display from head to toe are the hidden fire and resting wings. Once a vowel is spoken, that corresponding ares of the chakra-body will be on fire and wings are flying. This is the Whirlwind mentioned in the beginning of Ezekiel.

In turn, each of the vowel alive with fire and flying with wings speaks God’s truth to humanity: such as Y for Why, U for What, O for Who, I for How, E for When, and A for Where. These together represent the Appearance through Whirlwind, while the color of Amber is the initial display of a diamond-shaped Four Consonants/Faces.

Why and its central Y connect to Z and N.

What and its central U connect Z and F on left, Y and R in the middle, and N and T on right.

Who and its central O connect G on left, M in the middle,  and P on right.

How and central I connect J on left, H in the middle, and L on right.

When and its central E connect D on left, S in the middle, and B on right.

When and central A connect K and V on left, C and W in the middle, and Q and X on right.

Collectively, these five and half of vowels are the Face of A Man, who activate three sides of human body into an interactive live CREATURE. This live CREATURE is the WORD of God, and the LETTER of LAW. It is through 5 and half vowels, human action are alive with words, which are essential vowels that activate, align, and condense three mobile spherical sides or realms, so that all consonants will serve for vowels, and live faces. All four faces are alive and working together as one cohesive anatological unit.

Diamond shape of Four Faces

First of all, a two dimensional three-sided triad-shape or triangle has three visible sides, while in 3 dimensional state, the Fourth point, edge or sphere is hidden and awakened through tetrahedral motion before it becomes any two dimensional quadrilateral shapes; such as a square, rectangle, a rhombus or diamond. Turning these 2 dimensional sides into 3, a cubic shape is alive, such as a squared cube, or a 3D diamond.

As mentioned from above, the Four Faces in the Book of Ezekiel are in two dimensional image presented inside a three dimensional structure. Thus, a 3 Dimensional diamond shaped is viewed as Four Faces. The first and Fourth like in the center of a tetrahedron is the Face of a Man. Surrounding this face are the three sides of human body represented by three animal totems: Ox on left, Lion on right, and Eagle on top or behind.

In turn, these three faced animal totems are structured Godly and Anatologically by the three columned Consonants, with each having 7 consonants. The left column represents 7 Ox-faced consonants (from head to toe Z, F, G, J, D, K, V). The rear spinal back column represents 7 Eagle-faced consonants (Y, R, M, H, S, C, W). The right column represents the 7 Lion-faced consonants (N, T, P, L, B, Q, X).

If we see an individual unit of four face-formed wheels, wings or diamond, here are a few examples.  Remember:  Top/Back = Eagle, Left = Ox. Right = Lion; Bottom/Front = Human. All together is the aliveness of one specific unit.


  F             T




G           P




J              L


In specific, the Y can be both:  in diamond-shaped image, the Face of a Man in the front, or the Face of an Eagle. Thus Y matrixes are:


            Y                                                          C

                                                           F                T                                       V               X

                                                                    M                                                        Y   

Who are U working For

To live, we must work to live.

But who are we working for? The job that works for the salary and income? The Career that pays for the vocation to spend emotional and intellectual passion? Or the faith that looks up at God and lives on its deepest and most powerful belief?

The Book of Job says we all have a job: the job of our life. The hobby of vocation is cared as Career. The conviction towards Faith faces all kinds of facial detention on top of racial retention.

In order to work for this job, we must care.

When the care turns into a career, it is a vocation that pays for the passion to presume to be busy, consume compassion, and resume to be sexily fashionable.

When vocation is over, vocal nation is live on the scream of broadcasting, to brand what is missing from vocation cheapened by the collision and cheated by the volition.

To voice on is to repeat after, but to voice over there is a penalty made.

When the immediate voice is rejected by the listener, silence carries the speaker to the anatologically boxed brain, so that palms can extend what cannot be spoken from the chest, to allow fingers to tap into sensory skins and verify what can’t be spoken.

By the time the triangle teamed by naked throat and two dropping, stretching, extending and rotary hands, anything cannot be touched by fingers will go down to the toes: to walk on, walk in, and walk through.

The body now resembles an upside-down tree: where the head and its hair serve as root and its extended branches; two arms are the first sprouted branches, to serve as the earth-skin-poking and sky heading leaflets; as the two deserves the final branching upon the tip of the central trunk, where the groin doesn’t grow outward, but inwardly.

Upon this head-ended and tail-bended groin, the sprouted branches will support the growth of peduncle: which is our neck. From this peduncle or neck, receptacles are formed as womb in human, sepals and petals will serve as umbilical cord, as ovule beneath and inside the stamens and pistils will grow eggs and mature into seeds: our fetus.

Having this structural anatomy, how can we merge between the tree of plant life and tree of lovely human life. Plant life grows upward from earthy soil to open space, as we grown downwardly from time-and-space capped head to air-wind-faced atmosphere, passionate love-cased lithosphere, water-laced hydrosphere, grass-paced biosphere, and soil-based geo-mesosphere.

When these five spheres turn into five senses, we can easily forget what a tree, a plant, a flower and a seed and its aromatic fragrances would do to our life’s waving frequencies.

Now, your time, energy and labor spent as the outcome gets payed by your earned, deserved or agreed income.  When outcome poured out by your job performance, your labor of love, and your truthfully devotion to your work, vocation and belief will reveal their naturally produced income. When this portion, this size and this kind of income welcome the world, you come to a place where you become what you have overcomed from, how your have outgrown and outnumbered between what the miscomes have unwelcomed.

Choose the Belief, or Believe to Live

I was a believer, and has been.

Looking back, I didn’t believe in me, nor believe the life I must live. I choose the best Belief among what I have searched for and decided on.

Now, the season is gone, and reason sits in.

Belief is to Be a little falling fall Leaf, not a spring if; while to Believe, you must Be Alive, Be the Live One in order to Believe in You.

That is what I know now.

I want to live and believe, not to pick and choose among beliefs, not any among no more.

To live on belief is heavy, and it is useless in the end, because:

1: Heaven and hell don’t care what you believed in, nor what your belief is and has been; since beliefs have no space to exist below the hell and above the heaven. Below the hell lives the very slow to the stop point of inferred intimate Inns, and above the heaven is ultraviolet light shining through dark matters that are against anti-matters, where only ants are the matters.

2) There are so many beliefs out there, for you to pick and choose. Different time period creates its vast belief system, and different culture thrives on their own racially tamed and facially glued belief patterns and customs.

3) Once you pick one, among many, this very Belief in you will fight with you to against many other beliefs in order for itself to live, for you to believe what your belief is the real deal, the best, and the only.

4) Now, when you and your belief get matured enough,  you are Not You no More, and your Belief is in You, lives on You, demands You and controls You. You have nothing left but your single lonely belief. Your Belief is now your only loved one and worst enemy!

5) To agree and follow some’s belief for the rest of your, you give up yours, what is in you, forever.  Who knows there are better ones, better than the best one you know, are out there for you to search and ponder, here for you to pick and taste.

5) In the end, all beliefs are bunch of dead words and concepts.  God never dies, and life is to live moment by movement, to live for season after no reason, and to live forward and move on what dead have not and future will not.

But to believe, I just live, you simply live, as we all believe to live. With or without a belief, I live, you live, and we all live.  Life lives on, as if life itself always believes in you and me. We live on one another so we must believe in each other. So, just be a spring green leaflet, or a falling fall colored leaf.

Either way, I am as lief as I believe to live as of a single simple leaf!

Y (WHY) Letter, NOT Number

First: 5 and a half

Thank You, Letter Y.

Though You were being placed next to the last or 26th letter Z in the English language, next to omega, next to zero, next to nothing, You were able to reduce the original 7 vowel letters into 5 and half. This means that you carry historically the lost weight of 2 vowels, by presenting yourself  both vowel and consonant, the only letter that has both purpose and power in English. And it is You Y letter that extends the vowel formation into 5 and a half.

In this 3 dimensional world, 5 and a half are all we needed.  Why?

When a thing, organic or inorganic, superconscious or artificial, grows from a dot, to a line, to three sides and more, pentagram is most it can in physical matter. In order to live, believe and then liberate from those five-sided components, such as our fingers and toes externally, and five senses and virtues internally, the narrow gate has to be there. You Y letter is the narrow gate in English, so that the merging and diverging point formed in the your middle can serve as an arrow head. This arrow head with three points has the power to zoom for the five-sided 3D world, by zooming into the infinite space formed by endless and virtuous hexagrams. Here, you don’t need a grammar, just a gram of Y (WHY).

Structural 3D Y

Your capital case Y is formed by V on top and I as the single standing leg.  When three  legged structural Y is circled or walled around, a simple 3 sided triangle is formed, on 2 dimensional sphere; and if it is in 3 dimensional, it is tetrahedral state.

By the time we place 3 dimensional Z and N around, a cubic state is outside, but within, the Y spins and rotates in each and given way. This is how our 7th chakra brain functions. Externally, knotting N- YES with head up and down, while swinging Z-NO by turning head left and right.

Ironically, the 7th chakra crown never moves, it is the neck above the shoulders that move head and torso, producing zigzagging Z and up and down N.  In the center of the head, where V and I are joint to form Y, and Z and N surround to produce 4 different Ys inside, divine is happening.

Try it and see how your brain really function with these three letters: Z and N around, Y inside.

When this God’s eye image is alive inside, 7th chakra will descend and merge with 6th chakra formed by F on right, R in the middle and T on left. When those two sets work together, fifth vowel U is complete.  as such, with the fifth vowel letter U, you Y on top of central sphere of 7th chakra will complete for entire 7 letters, Z and F on left, and R below you Y, and T and N on right.

From Tetrahedral to Spherical 

Knowing that both the etheric world and material world work through hexagonal state, the universal flat-land needs physical flattery gland. And these two worlds need hexagrams to form hexagonal states and scale hexagonal waves.

It is through hexagonal sphere, three sides of etherical world will team and cream with the three sides of the physical world. The three sides of etherical world are: heptagonal sphere, octagonal sphere, and nonagonal sphere. The three sides of physical world are: triad triangle, squared cube, and five-fingered and toed pentagram. This is why the best military headquarter in the world is built with the structure of pentagon: a five-sided building, to stretching five fingers into the world by landing five toes in air and on water, upon land and into any country.

This is also why our thumb finger and big toe are made of two bones, while the rest four have three in order to form 12-sided dodecahedral nature that can be added with or divided by 3.

Then: Letter Y

In capital case, dear Y (WHY), You are made of double vowels between U on top and I below; while in small case, You are made of consonant letter V and little vowel letter i.

Shifting from U to V, You are the Victory, my dear letter Y; while lifting from V to U, the right foot that represents V, or the donkey’s assuring foot, who was the child from a horse father and donkey mother, will rise from the sea line and the footage of a mountain, high up into the cloud-smoked sky, to tell our heavenly father “I am coming.” and by spelling earthly mother “I am leaving water and dust behind.”

It is You, dear letter Y (WHY), that allows me to zoom into the geometric structure of an alphabetic letter, its linguistic forming process, and its anatological expression. Because our body can stand and pose, sit and amuse, and lie down and glance, our anatomical feature will produce its zigzagging and swirling motion, its rotating and spinning promotion, or its swinging and suspending demotion.

Coming from U and/or V, the capital case “I” lifts You Up into your highest Victoriously Unified, Vaguely Vaulted, and Invaluably United Velocity. In this above-mountain high state, dear Y (WHY), You are truly facing up, totally up, while being supported by letter I, where the dot dangling eye above the nose or the Adam’s Apple and Dew hanging above the hyoid bone is head-topped into the bottom of your V section.

As such, the standing I serves as a cosmic chimney, where multiple helix moving in and out, removing up and down. When the sky is thundering and lightning, raining and smiling, the hell below licks it all. After the hell licked, we have helix.

When the sky coming down from the heaven meets and greets the tongue of “what the hell heck”, holographic helix is formed, as the single chimney is standing long and strong, to keep the hellish tongue licking ever and clicking forever.

But, if we change the small vowel letter i into a big letter I, it changes the subjective i into objective me as I, by reducing the dot above the vertical line of I. No dews or news left, nor Adam’s Bone or Apple left behind. Just the merge of V above I, where V stands on the tip of I, as if the tip of a tongue, to declare that: “Victory is above I that teams mostly me,  somewhat my me, little bit my mine.”

Now: Y (WHY) 5 and a Half

So, in order for the two worlds co-exist, we need water: holy water and fishy water; physical water and spiritual water, beverage water and glandular water. This is the power of water that speaks through six-sided snowflakes. Snowflakes are standing Now Flowing on Lakes. We need a half, just a half, so that 5-sided us and this world can increase and 7-sided that world can produce on behalf cosmic creation, and universal recreation.

This is the power of 5 and half.

As a whole letter, dear Y (WHY), You reveals me that the angular portion inside the V, is 72° degrees, while the angles facing southwest and southeast merged and developed between the bottom of V and top of I are 144° degree each.

The 144° degree on both sides of I represents those appointed, chosen, and worthy 144000 souls in and out of earth’s atmospheres.  Those fixed but fluctuating numbers are forever there, to speaking for on behalf of God’s Jaw, dear Y (WHY), Your V above my I, or the Openness into Heaven.

Adding existing numbers up, whether it is 72 or 144, they both end up 9: to demonstrate the power of nonagon, or nine-sided polygon.

Dear Letter Y (WHY), are U a Letter or a number, either and or, or Both for the More?

Separation Anxiety

After the birthing process completes, conception anxiety turns into separation anxiety which in turn is opposite to anxieties such as invitation anxiety, welcome anxiety, greeting anxiety, union anxiety, togetherness anxiety, marriage anxiety, oneness anxiety.

We don’t like to be together so long, to connect so much, to relate so well, to party so amazingly cool!!!

To connect and be a part of someone, there must be a giving up, a sacrifice, a humble state, a vulnerable scale. To be a part of me, that part of Me must be as open, real and complete as the same part in You.

In order to be apart from something, such as a team, an origination, you must be ready and willing in both ways, such as being open and vulnerable, knowingly how to reserve and preserve, serve ans reserve, must be adaptable in adjustable and adjudicative process and still available afterward.

Equally we don’t like to be separated so often, and being segregated forever! We love to be part of someone, a part of all, a part of whole. We want to be seen, stay connected,  being invited and acknowledged all the time. We hate rejection and abandonment, aside from this very separation!

To be separated, a part of us will be cut off, divided, distanced, removed, and become void.  It is as if we have to let go part of us, as if we bit farewell, as if we will never see each other again, as if we will lose one another forever!

Has the heaven landed on earth? Does the noon see the midnight? Will good be kind to bad? Is right opposite from wrong? Can masculinity be separative from that of femininity? Is the left eye viewing the world separately from its right partner?  Does an object care about your right mind’s view being separatedly from your left mind’s review?

But to separate, we have to the ball, as if we are in control! We have the power and tool to cut, divide, alienate and segregate. We enjoy separating one person from the team, dividing their attention by cutting their supplies off their belongings.

Lean on or cling to! Len on over extend forth!  Anxious tactics away from anxiety attacks!

Honestly, togetherness as solid, comfortable, essential, intimate and long-term oneness, such as season-round and life-long contract, agreement, membership, marriage, origination, union and party, is not easy. Why?

How long did we wait for the right parents to excite, attract, merge, engage and marry together as one couple, one team and one union for our very conception to take place? How long had they divinely been together as one and complete, united and intimate union, prior the moment of our physical conception?  How long did it take for that very single sperm and egg to join together as one zygote? How long did this one minute cellular ball of zygote sustain itself before its split-second division took place? How long did the umbilical cord link fetus to placenta? Is a breath longer than a life?

Further, how long has light been together with love, time been one with space,  universe been spacious with cosmos, a day been united with night? …?

The truth is: once we breathe on our own, our body separates itself and forever from our womb, and entire gestation period is over.

The dialogue below is to me the root cause of separation anxiety, though unbeknownst to us at the moment.

“Why did you cut me off from my womb?” our soul might scream! 

“I had to separate your body from your placenta so you can breathe on your own!” answered by midwife. 


Since then, “Are we free, independent, and sovereign!?”  Are we free from mom and her maker of our body? Are we free from light and air, milk and water, food and safety? Are we free family and society? Are we free from duality such as coming and going, greeting and departing, welcome and goodbye, union and dissolution, and connection and separation.  Are we divided, separated, rejected, disconnected and abandoned?  Or are we connected, related, secured, independent and sovereign?

Professional term Separation Anxiety works together with its opposition, which is Reactive Attachment Disorder R. A. D..  Honestly to me, it is sick to see the word “separation” here. Why?  You have the power to cut, divide and separate from one part from another, one of the pair from the other; but you are scared and extremely vulnerable to totally open yourself up and stay in that virtuously vulnerable volunteering position.

It is easy to blamelessly use the word separation because we didn’t separate our body from our womb; we didn’t separate our thought from our feeling, our action from our reaction, our reason from our excuse, our belief from our doubt.  Somebody did it, the higher power did it, Nature did, God did it!

To separate a whole thing apart, distance in between afterward means anything, and resistance from which means all. We resist on being connected and separated at same time, being together and apart from one another at the same state, being don’t feel any and distant at same manner, being sweet and cold at same emotional nature, being kind and cruel at same mindset.

It is the two ends of the sameness that separate; it is the dual manners that separate the same matter; it is the two different eyes that cut the same scenery into two different views.

Equally, if there is nothing to cut, there can be nothing to separate; if there is nothing to be divided, separation never take place!

If you experience a Separation Anxiety, what is the opposite anxiety that causes you to experience your separation anxiety?  If you have a Separation Anxiety attack, what is your attachment that attracts this attack? If you want to understand and be free from the history of your Separation Anxiety, what can else the specific kind of anxiety you use in order to cut and divide your separation anxiety, so you would never have it no more, be totally free?

Tell me, teach me! Remind me, acknowledge me!

Conception Anxiety – Part II

In human life, the very first sense is the conception anxiety before the fetus is formulated, and the very last sense is the graveyard odor after the life is over. This means, before the final corpus fragrance can say anything, the initial conception sense would broadcast and forecast:

  • “Having no idea how a baby is made of, made with, made from, made by and made for?”
  • “Clueless to how a real love-making interaction would actualize?”
  • “Don’t know what is happening inside the mom’s belly?”,
  • “Not sure how the fetus would turn out to be?”
  •  “Never guess how the womb-body would live and behave in actual physical body?”

This very conception anxiety is a mixture of anxious parental feelings, their hidden anxiety from their ancestrally subtle but vital invested anxiety into a virtuous body with its makeovers, and the incarnating spirit’s curious, anxious and clueless state to which specific gender and bloodline will be granted.

Let us start with these.

  • Do you have any clue before your 1st time activity as a 1st timer?
  • Can you anticipate how a sacred work teams with a secretive maker?
  • Can you differentiate individual lunch-making-like making-love activity from the magic unpredictable love-making  cosmosality?
  • Do you know anything about gender-making reality before a materialized physical gender can sense, differ and characterize from what its opposite gender would?
  • Can you know the opposite gender before this opposite gender would mess with your agenda? 
  • Can you guess how an opposite gender would oppose any opposite thing to you?
  • How do you know that your gender is similar to the same gender but opposite to the opposite one?

When two opposites meet and pose with two similarities, there will be existing multiple anxiety!

As such, this very first conceivable anxious conception sense invites, interacts, interferes and inter-connects all human senses, crossing through generational trails, and tossing around animalistic nails.

From the moment of this conception on, till your body functions on its own after birth, your mother will be anxious about how normal your body and its utilities can be. She will speculate forever how your body will turn out to be. She is so suspicious of any strange phenotype might estrange yours makeover. She is too fearful for any abnormality might wrap and target your growth. She is so afraid about anything that can retard your beautiful start-ups.

Your father might be anxious too! He will be anxious about how you can look, think and behave like him,how you are totally relating to his personal manner and affairs, and 100% resembling his traits. He is anxious whether or not you would truly devote yourself to refresh his dream, regenerate his wish, reinvent his hope, remake his already worked for but disappeared fame, and regain his forever vanished long-gong fortune.  He is anxious about how your job would erase his mistakes, irradiate his ancestral misfortunes!

The deceased ancestors are anxious equally, and mostly. They are anxious to which exact virtuous spaces they would bring their blessings and curses in, so that those virtuous spaces can materialize in your real body, actualize in your real life, metabolize in your real duality.  They are truly anxious to wherever the exact cellar sites, such as hemispheric cells, cardiac cells and stem cells, can host their unfinished business. They are more anxious about whichever precise inferred and decisive ultralight acupoints (light-love points) they can reply on to dam and clam, jam and slam their suppressed, depressed, repressed unforgettable unreported untold un-repent-able memories inside your sub-cellular membranes. They are totally anxious about how can you remember everything they did and lived, defended and believed, were scarred by and scared of!

Inside this anxious factory, its facility manufactures each familiar mater and every family remember-related matters, till the weight of the fetus pushed its head down upon the mouth of birthing canal that is being pushed by the mother’s heart-charged and emotion-enlarged whoosh, swoosh sound bite, gushed by the meat-grinder or scull-binder, whooshed by the umbilical charged inertia, and pulled to the ground, along with blood and water, by the earth’s gravity, her grave city.

Before the due day, 37 weeks or so of its laborious work took the 7-lights into 7-senses, yet, absent from the drum telling drama in your front, the rum spelling trauma behind, and gum veiling anxious karma in your middle.

As the skull  celebrated its head-down land, the arches of the fetus’s feet swam through the dammed and damped ramification, waiting to demonstrate towards parents and health care-facilitators how its eyes would sense the light, its ears respond the sound, its nose sniffs the air, its fingers grab and grasp, its legs turn or rotate, its urethral track dispels and anal hole expels.

When all these activities are being recognized as normal, other deep layers of human normality, nobility and morality would have a chance to surface through their racial cases; and if not, total denial and rejection take place and this infant will be identified or codified as something else, such ADD or ADHD.

Fetal is fatal, as natal anxiety results in naval brutality. Normal means noble, as normality thrives on cruel but fertile morality.

The so-called noble man’s sense would take years, even a lifetime, to upgrade from what is average and normal into what can be worshiped as noble, like an English Noble Man, or a Nobel Prize Winner. In this noble state, all physically based animal senses and emotionally laced organic sensitivities must have been re-captured, re-factorized to the re-fractional fractal portals, where only the best survival fetal sense can make sense of what is really going on inside the gut from what has been wooden-ed from woolly hair, and what can be schooled as cool as a stool would sit with its cruelly clue.

Opposite to Nobel Prize is ancestral price, and opposite to Noble Sense is the primal sense.

To see the ancestral price-tag and zoom into primal sense, only a stoned, bestowed and attuned being can be polished into a statue-like state, so that prime time that is making sense along prime meridian can screen primal sense.

To make a deal with ancestral price-tag, only The So-called Subconscious as real primal sense will be in the virtuous room. To deal with primal sense, only virtuous roomed space can deal with subcontracts that are already teamed before an animal can sense.

The primal sense now makes sense with primitive senses such as plants’ sense, worms’ sense, fish’s sense, fungus’s sense, and blue green algae’s sense, till light senses what love can make sense of each cosmic matter inside every organic being.

Light-year-ahead seems far away; while unconditional love is being wrapped and capped deep inside. Before you can really deal with light-and-love matters, your blood-lined and gene-coded ancestral deeds and memories are much more pervasive and aggressive than anything your can dream and plan. And before you can truly take care of your personal matter, family matters and familiar manners are already there: to display for you, express as yours, and rule your freedom.

All these are so because your spirit was agreed so: agree to enter conception party; by making agreements with parental and ancestral conception anxieties.

Are You Agree?

Conception Anxiety – Part I

On April 22nd, 2009, I woke up as all a normal morning I used to over 46 years, released the fogy misty morning dew (urine), sat by the dining table and had a cup of coffee.  Suddenly, out of no-where, a raw and subtle sensation was nailing through and swirling inside my gut. It was so sudden, deep, strong and overwhelming that my normal sensory reaction told me that “something dangerous was about to happen.”

A desperate moment was calling my all-I-can-do attention. A flash of several people’s images and faces, which were karmic or ancestral, flesh-bonded or soul-wired, and genetically coded inside my gut memory utility, ushered my inner eye, gushed upon my gut-mind, and slashed and splashed into inter-organic feeling. Should I escape or denial, from what, to where and how, never and forever?!

My mind was dizzy, heart racing, gut exploding and body numbing. With all the mighty power exercised and prepared for years, I was able to allow my spiritual mind comb this sensation down at its manageable state, till womb sensation appeared from the comb-wool, calm-down tool to where the crown of my-going-to-be-tomb: the landing skull.

Seeing this my conception party, I am feeling now, the rawest of raw feelings, beyond danger and unknown, above the team of all senses can bear. Father does not know how his sperm would travel. Mother has no clue how the zygote will be formed inside her egg. And incarnating spirit cannot figure out what kind of body, or earthly travelling vehicle, or animistic organism, would be factoried, assigned and granted.

As the three –omb words – comb, womb and tomb – came together and made sense for one another, a distinctive phrase “conception anxiety” was dialing, alarming, farming and distilling inside my mind’s heart.

Now, what? As the septic Celtic cultic reception takes each spirit into the sperm-bulling, egg-yoking womb, senses such as light sense, plus heat sense, inception sense and conception sense would sense how this fetal body would go through in 10 month or 40 weeks long placenta-roomed womb: this birth-declaring and head-descending organic tomb.

Three charges, positive, negative and neutral, garaged and enlarged the one and single zygote, that of zigzag goat-teeth, into a compound, where all the collectable sensations send the nation of a body and kingdom of its mind into an organic sensible facility.

Due to this conception anxiety, your body and its sensory utilities will be downloaded, wired and chipped with all those anxious sub-cellular and super-sonic, mega-hydraulic and para-psychotic phenomenal genotypes. Once they are in function with your sensory and cognitive behaviors, they become visible phenotypes and relatable personality types.

For your entire life, you will be anxious in front of those attractive, exciting, beautiful and amazing human gendered beings. You will be anxious about either saving and investing money or spending and paying money. You will be anxious about taking exams, going for an appointment, visiting a doctor, seeing a policeman, witnessing a dangerous scene, standing in front of crowds, speaking your true feeling and conviction, declaring your needed physical and astral spaces, managing your times, caring for the loved ones, dealing with your hostile environment, standing face-to-face with your enemies, being locked inside your hellish states.

You will be anxious about height or mass, open or congested space, contended or contentious views, luscious or conscious activities, hide-or-flight scenarios, sick or silly atmospheres, aroused or suppressed chemistries, this or that ideas, here and nowhere ordeals.

Oh, my dear, this anxious conception! Oh, my near to the dear, this conception anxiety??? Oh, my ear hearing dear, JUST ANXIOUS!!!

You will be anxious about nothing and everything!!!!

Are You Free From Your Egg-shell?

Many bird clans, like chicken and duck,  are born out of egg-shells; while mammals, like human and horse, are born out of placentas.  In that sense, birds’ egg-shells are crispy placentas, while mammals’ placentas are meaty shells.

As you know,  chicks or newborn baby birds would use their bills to cash them out of their own egg-shell-houses, while for us human fetus, someone has to cut umbilical cord in order to separate our body from our organic meaty shell called placenta.

In that sense, a bird’s egg is already ready in the process of being conceived or hatched, with no other ritual preparation needed; while a human egg must open a part-hole around its watery skin for the head of a sperm to head in, merge and become one with egg as scientists called zygote. After the sperm materializes as the skull and spine, while egg the rest of body.

Before a bird goes through its hatchling, nestling, and fledgling process as real chick or infant bird,  its bill that has grown along its body inside the shell becomes matured and stronger enough to serve as the tip of a knife or the head of a nail to piece a hole through its shell-like-wall so as to declare its self independent birthing process.  We call this bill-pocked-shell in us a placenta:  either the meaty house inside our mom’s belly during our gestation period, or 紫河车 zi he che or purple river wagon as Chinese names it.

Contrary to chick’s bill power, we are helpless in our birthing process. We can’t do what a chick would!  Our mouth doesn’t have a sharp bill, only two pieces of jawbone to grow 32 teeth years after birth. Somebody outside our womb has to cut the umbilical off. This is the final step of our uselessness as an organism among homo sapiens.

Afterward, we cannot fly physically, anyway, anyhow, anywhere!

To know the truth, upon age of 43, through a lucid dream, I was able to know why and how I was conceived into this body, through this parental union, for this bloodline and its last name, upon this very divine and unchangeable conception.  It was through this lucid dreaming state of retrospection, recall or revisit that made me know that:

The shell of a bird’s egg-shell-wall resembles initially in human that parental love-making posture. When this posture dried up and faded away, there is that invisible egg-shell-wall wrapping inside our unconscious realm, causing us to search for a mate who is free from this egg-shelled wall, so we can achieve freedom.  Further, this momentarily finalized posture defines overall: our physical posture, how we engage union with the loved one down the road, and personality outlook.

Through this lucid dream, what happened to my conception became as clear as an open book, a specific scene of a movie production. I saw everything to which how I was conceived, or in another word, how my body was factorized; meaning, how my father’s sperm and his physical pose merged and united as one with my mother’s pose and one of her eggs on the Right Fallopian Tube.

It was upon this moment, I am free physically and sexually from my own very egg shelled and fossilized wall.  In this moment of awakened understanding, I was able to let-go of this my conception posture, and in turn, I am physically free as a male gender, and sexually free from the byproduct of my parental union.  Upon this freedom, I realized that this my parental egg-hatching process equals to nothing, but a hidden eggshell.

Before, this byproduct has been for many years my longing for the divine femininity, and how I would equally and eagerly be ready to free myself from physical and emotional and psychological urge and need for the opposite physical gender.

Have you recalled your conception party, conception process and conceived eggshell?

Have you seen the very nature your energetic and organic eggshell?

Are you able to poke like a chick’s bill your own restrained and egg-shelled womb upon your birthing moment?

Are you ready to be totally free, as a chick eagle ready to fly???!!!

Who I Am is Merely an Anatological ….

What is life is an anatological approach to the anatomical body we are being programmed with and born from.

Anatomical body is collective, ancestral, and individual.  Why?

First, collective here means we all share the same basic building-blocks and functionality with exact same number of body parts and their related sensory wires. Anatomically, we are genetically and collectively built with 15 sections: three main cavities and their four limbs as extension; as each limb has three sections, such as upper arm, frontal arm and hand; or thigh, shin and foot. Rarely a human being would be born with one arm, or one leg, or lesser than exact 15 main sections.  And very few, a person is born blind, deaf, dumb, and somewhat retarded physical sensitivity and cognitive ability.

Secondly, upon this collective virtuous blueprinting, these 15 venture capitals, our body is structured, compartmentalized, decorated, and owned specifically by certain ancestral infrastructures. This is why we look like our parents in various areas.  This why we move about with a certain poses and postures resembling a specific parent, grandparent, or great grandparent.  This is why we behave in a certainty, built-in modes and codes, genetically programmed and blessed by any of our three generational ancestral whereabouts and their beliefs.

This is why in Chinese culture, as a child or youngster, people don’t care about who you are as an individual, but will know who you are based up what you are made with ancestral infrastructures and generational patterns, and where you were born with genetically and geographically. Your body and mind are a collection of homemade food and customs, house-wired specific appetite and habitual desires, family-tombed needs of why and how, and ancestral spirited deeds of know-how and reason-why.

Deep inside collective blueprint and beneath ancestral infrastructures are who we are as an individual, irreplaceable spirit. This our spirit can’t be any other spirits, will never be some other beings in this lifetime.

This above is what I can fathom about my, and our human body, individual in undying root and deathless core, ancestral in infrastructural phenotypes, and collective in human geneotype. This is why our anatomical body is a mixture of psycho-type in spirit or living soul, pheno-types in ancestral make-believes, and geno-type in homo sapiens.

This above definition or speculation is nothing but an anatological approach, an anatological view, and an anatological perception.

In order to understand, define and make use of this specific granted organism our spirit was agreed to be house-in since conception,  dress-up during entire gestation, and wear with from conception to life, life to death, and death to atonement or reincarnation, we must voice through gut and throat, make use of body languages through body parts and their interaction, invent symbols and tools such as linguistic letters and mathematical numbers, visual chips and musical notes.

By giving linguistic and numerical meanings and values. anatomy is alive personally and culturally through anatology, as anatology is magically meaningful to this individual anatomy and collective entity.

Therefore, aatological approach is verbal and linguistic; as anatological view is logical and reasonable; while anatological perception is conscious and conscientious. It is like: we approach through our innate spirit; we view through organic sensors and linguistic tools; and we receive, perceive and conceive through conscious awareness and conscientious presence.

It is upon anatomical hardware and through anatological software, we are perceptive or reflective, visionary and realistic, reasonable and irrational, meaningful and useful, idealistic and practical, this and that, here and there, where and how, who and what, when and why.

We are a mixture of heavenly light and wind, and earthly soil and water;

we are a tincture of anatomical organism and anatological ideas and beliefs;

we are a creature of innate inertia of organic patterning and gravitational forces from conscious ability to conscientious capacity;

we are a moisture of water molecules and air particles, a puncture of nothing and everything, a juncture of being and becoming, a texture of good and evil.

We are the architecture of energy and minerals; the culture of season and reason; furniture for family and society; feature of pictures and literatures; future of predictable fixture; posture of pathological pastures; lecture of given nature.

What Does Dream Do Its 3Ds?

By the time the sun’s sparkling light welcomes the darkening night, day-dreams and their conscious streams will be taken over by the archly lunar creams, deepened by real dreams.

In this state, the  lovely daily icy creams from the heart, gut and soul will take over any head-streams, so that bed-dreams can alternate conscious streams as subliminal and unconscious realms. Further, the scaring loud screams voiced out during the day change, quickly and without notice (not ice), into deva-stating worst nightmares, where only knights can dare, only angels can fair.

Whether sunbeam or moonbeam, beams of lights are a team, to steam the deep water, cream the icy emotion, scream the eternal love, and gleam the headstreams as either mainstream audience or microbeams upon fiber-optic gravitational waves.

Solar light is solid but alone; while lunar lights are the reflections from any lightening and delightful solar or cosmic refreshments.

When the solar light lights up your head, lunar light delights your dream state. Light-long ends with head strong, what is gone with dream is what could be wrong with scream. Dream’s dimensional division is devotional decision.

To re-state, your Dream as first D is dimensional, what it Does as second D is divisional, and what dreams can Do as third D is devotional. So, what Does Dream Do is dimensional, divisional and devotional.  These are the 3Ds.

 What the light did during the daytime is its dimensional streams. How the night can dream is are as individual as any divisional stream would beam. And what day-light and moonlight cannot Do is the devotion from inside a dream that is above a light can stream, that is beyond any night can cream.

To bream what seems in your head, chemical lead lets the mechanical leader  to be codified with an official letter. To lead as the head gets the chemical lead in your head, as this particular lead poisons your head-stream with lunatic creams.

What seems real is either that daily light streams, or nightly dream creams. What seems really real ends with all kinds of reams, or rims and edges; so that to redeem is to re-dream the daily deed, re-stream the lucid dream, and re-cream universally scream-able creams.

To read a dream, its conscious mind must be more conscientious than a dream interpreter; and its conscious streams much change into lucid but conscientious creams, with no memory chips, no remarkable memorandum, nor memorable remembrance.

To lead as the head of a stream, mainstream will be the upstream, to out-stream any side-streams as either out-streams or down-streams.

What does your Dream Do to your dimensional, divisional decision?

The answer is:

Choice does all the chores for dimensional,

Voice streams any dreamed divisional,

Noises don’t beam or stream what devotion can dream or cream.