On April 22nd, 2009, I woke up as all a normal morning I used to over 46 years, released the fogy misty morning dew (urine), sat by the dining table and had a cup of coffee. Suddenly, out of no-where, a raw and subtle sensation was nailing through and swirling inside my gut. It was so sudden, deep, strong and overwhelming that my normal sensory reaction told me that “something dangerous was about to happen.”
A desperate moment was calling my all-I-can-do attention. A flash of several people’s images and faces, which were karmic or ancestral, flesh-bonded or soul-wired, and genetically coded inside my gut memory utility, ushered my inner eye, gushed upon my gut-mind, and slashed and splashed into inter-organic feeling. Should I escape or denial, from what, to where and how, never and forever?!
My mind was dizzy, heart racing, gut exploding and body numbing. With all the mighty power exercised and prepared for years, I was able to allow my spiritual mind comb this sensation down at its manageable state, till womb sensation appeared from the comb-wool, calm-down tool to where the crown of my-going-to-be-tomb: the landing skull.
Seeing this my conception party, I am feeling now, the rawest of raw feelings, beyond danger and unknown, above the team of all senses can bear. Father does not know how his sperm would travel. Mother has no clue how the zygote will be formed inside her egg. And incarnating spirit cannot figure out what kind of body, or earthly travelling vehicle, or animistic organism, would be factoried, assigned and granted.
As the three –omb words – comb, womb and tomb – came together and made sense for one another, a distinctive phrase “conception anxiety” was dialing, alarming, farming and distilling inside my mind’s heart.
Now, what? As the septic Celtic cultic reception takes each spirit into the sperm-bulling, egg-yoking womb, senses such as light sense, plus heat sense, inception sense and conception sense would sense how this fetal body would go through in 10 month or 40 weeks long placenta-roomed womb: this birth-declaring and head-descending organic tomb.
Three charges, positive, negative and neutral, garaged and enlarged the one and single zygote, that of zigzag goat-teeth, into a compound, where all the collectable sensations send the nation of a body and kingdom of its mind into an organic sensible facility.
Due to this conception anxiety, your body and its sensory utilities will be downloaded, wired and chipped with all those anxious sub-cellular and super-sonic, mega-hydraulic and para-psychotic phenomenal genotypes. Once they are in function with your sensory and cognitive behaviors, they become visible phenotypes and relatable personality types.
For your entire life, you will be anxious in front of those attractive, exciting, beautiful and amazing human gendered beings. You will be anxious about either saving and investing money or spending and paying money. You will be anxious about taking exams, going for an appointment, visiting a doctor, seeing a policeman, witnessing a dangerous scene, standing in front of crowds, speaking your true feeling and conviction, declaring your needed physical and astral spaces, managing your times, caring for the loved ones, dealing with your hostile environment, standing face-to-face with your enemies, being locked inside your hellish states.
You will be anxious about height or mass, open or congested space, contended or contentious views, luscious or conscious activities, hide-or-flight scenarios, sick or silly atmospheres, aroused or suppressed chemistries, this or that ideas, here and nowhere ordeals.
Oh, my dear, this anxious conception! Oh, my near to the dear, this conception anxiety??? Oh, my ear hearing dear, JUST ANXIOUS!!!
You will be anxious about nothing and everything!!!!